Category Archives: Family

Difference between being respectful and afraid

Have you ever seen a child that is afraid of their parent (s?) They cower down in fear. There is an enormous difference between a child being respectful and minding their mom or dad and the child that minds out of fear.

This mainly happens when the parent is not consistent in their mood and often gets angry very quickly. Children (thank goodness) have a built-in coping ability that adults don’t have. The greatest gift a parent can ever give a child is the knowing that they are safe and loved unconditionally. Read that last sentence again please.

When I was moved to Georgia to live with my father and stepmother, I was 15 years old. Try as hard as I might, I could never please my stepmother. She would send me to do a job like sweeping the driveway and it didn’t matter how long I worked at, she never one time told me I did a good job or thank you. She always pointed out some area I missed.

The problem with this type of parenting is it stays with the child for the rest of their life. Perfect example – I am 63 years old and was doing something around the house the other day and when I finished, I had a flash back to my stepmother and what she would say. This is not healthy for a child and many parents have or are currently making these mistakes. A child needs acceptance. That’s right, a child or teenager needs acceptance even though they may act like they don’t care. Deep down inside they really do. Basically never (regardless of what they do) withhold your acceptance and love from them.

Here is another example of the right way. My stepfather always told me he loved me. Like every kid, I did things that got me in trouble. I remember vividly one time I messed up and my stepfather had to whip me. You know what he did right after he whipped me? He took me in his arms and told me he loved me. That type of love is what I am talking here. Children, preteens and teenagers are very vulnerable and need all the love you can give them but most importantly, tell them and ** show them that they are accepted, loved and they are safe.

Those are the greatest gifts you can give your children. If you don’t believe it, just look at your parents and ask yourself, was I really loved, safe and accepted growing up? That’s all the proof you need. KT

Time travel – 5 years

Imagine for a moment you could time travel back five years while still knowing what you know now? What a do over that would be. The only problem is you couldn’t tell anyone you came back from five years in the future or you would lose the opportunity. I promise there is a point to this blog post below.

Keeping in mind that you still know everything now but simply slip back five years ago for a do over. Clearly some people would froth at the mouth at stock values because they would already know the future. They would sell everything at the end of January 2020 and reinvest everything on March the 16th, 2020.

Once you get past the economic side, what else would you do next? This is the point of this blog.

I suspect you would show love to those you know will be gone within the next five years. You would fix relationships, make better choices, spend more time with your children and basically be a more gentle, kind and caring person. You would recognize the special moments as they are happening because again, you already know the future five years. You would listen much more closely and give better advice and take the moments much more serious. You would know the future five-year life path of your children and you would intensely attempt to guide them.

Because you can’t tell anyone you know the next five-year future, you will be limited in how you try to advise others.  You couldn’t just say, “trust me” or “I know what I am talking about” or you have to believe me.” You would need to really think through how to influence those you love.

Here it is – you don’t know the next five-year future, but you do know today, who are the most important people in your life. Like the paragraphs above, listen intently and take the moments seriously and above all things, give the very best you have to those you love. Merry Christmas. KT

What you think you want

What you think you want can many times not turn out like you thought it would. Think about how many marriages, families, homes, investments, churches, friends etc. have been destroyed because one person thought they wanted something new or different and when they got it, it didn’t turn out like they imagined it would.

We all know what the serious issues are (drugs, alcohol, over-eating, over-spending, lies, deception, fraud, clothes, cars, houses etc. etc.) but I will use a very benign example to get the point across.  I love cars and if I had the money in the bank today for all the bad car decisions I have made, I could afford to send all of you to Paris for vacation. Ha. See, I bought those cars because I wanted them. There were of course reasons why (I told myself) but the real deal was I just wanted them. As a point of record, a few years ago I sat down and listed all the cars, SUVs and trucks I have owned and at last count, it was 82. See what I mean?

When we want something, our brains have a built in “reasoning maker” that if you are not careful will arm you with all kinds of reasons for the change you want. When we rip the Formica back and look at the real reason, many times we find it is just what we want. When we see something we want, our brains play out a video with us in it, of how we will feel when we get it.

There is not really a cure for this behavior other than life experience. Simply put, the older you get the more videos you have in storage. When faced today with a similar “want” you can go back and play the old videos of what happened last time. Ha. KT

 

Lonnie Bell

Lonnie Bell is my uncle and he is greatly loved by all those around him, his family, his friends and me. He received a medical diagnosis lately that almost made me tear up. He is one of the sweetest, most compassionate and gentle men I have ever known and has always been an example for me to follow.

There are three children in my mother’s family. My mother, Uncle Rayburn (passed away) and Uncle Lonnie. All that side of my family were farmers and my grand parents (their parents) always farmed which meant the husband and wife both worked in the fields. My mother told me something today I did not know. When Lonnie was born, he had a heart defect and couldn’t lay down to sleep when he was a newborn baby. My grand parents took turns every night holding him upright on their shoulder so he could sleep. My mother is five and half years older than Lonnie and when my grand parents had to work in the fields, she (at 5-6 years old) took care of Lonnie.

This all happened just after the great depression when families were barely getting by. Add to that a sick child and a young child (my mother) as a care giver and you can get the idea of what life was like. Uncle Lonnie grew up like most children and his heart condition was finally diagnosed when we he was in his early 30’s and had open heart surgery in the early 70’s that saved his life.

When you think about what hard living looks like, it would do us all good to think about how life was two generations ago. That generation of people not only saved America in WWII and the Korean war but showed us all what actual resiliency, honestly and Integrity looked like. You are in my prayers uncle Lonnie. KT

Where your money is

The bible says, ‘” where your money is, there will your heart be also.”

This statement is so incredibly true, and it doesn’t matter if you agree with it or not. It is literally a fact of life.

In 2006 I started a little investment company while I was still working for a larger brokerage house selling hotels. The little investment company was supposed to provide a little extra income and help me diversify. What I noticed very quickly was that I started thinking more and more about the little investment company instead of where my focus should have been. Before long (1 year) it took more and more of my time, energy, and thought. Basically, it stole my heart away from the large company I was with. See, it was where my money was invested and before long it had my heart also.

Take anyone that invests in stocks. They began casually watching the stock they are invested in and before long they have an app and an alert to notify them whenever the stock moves. They start looking at the stock several times every hour and It quietly steals their attention and their heart

Whether or not you believe it is true or whether you accept it, you should understand it and be aware of it. What I mean is to be careful where you put money or invest money because it has the risk of stealing your heart. It also can cause one of two emotions. Joy or anxiety. If the investment where your money is goes well, it can result in satisfaction, joy and a feeling of accomplishment.  The problem is, if it doesn’t go well, it can result in stress, anxiety, lack of sleep and loss of joy. This why I say to be careful.

Finally, in Proverbs 4:7 the bible says, “above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” KT