Overspending to be accepted

Some people will overspend to fit in or be accepted. The issue at the heart is self-esteem. They believe if they do this or do that, buy this or buy that, they will be accepted into the group. What they really want is the self-esteem they believe they will find once they buy it, lease it or own it.

These types of things will either drive you to do something you shouldn’t do, or it will define you. I remember May 1990 like it was yesterday. There was one hotel broker that will remain unnamed that played one of the biggest roles in my life. I love him for it. See, everyone I sold hotels with were into custom suits and stylish shoes with the right shirt, tie all the way down to the socks.

My suits and sport coats were either sale items or second hand. I came into the office one day and the broker I am remembering, laughed at how I was dressed. I remember the look on his face and the amusement in his laugh as he looked over my sport coat. My decision that day was either, do I go out and overspend to fit in, or do I just go out and outsell him? Well, I decided in that moment, that I would never care again what someone else thought about how i dressed, where i lived or what i drove. The only thing I cared about was making money for my family so that my children would have nice clothes and not ever be laughed at.

There are moments that will define you. They don’t have to be big life changing moments. It’s usually the little moments that make us who we really are. That was one of my moments that put in perspective what it was I really wanted and who I really wanted to be.

When you are tempted to overspend or over obligate so they will accept you, think again. There will always be people who want to make other people feel small so that they can feel big. My advice is to just file it away for a later day and manage your own money in a way that you are comfortable with, while not caring what someone else might think. As you get older you will be more proud of those decisions that you ever would be if you try to be like them. There is only one of you and will never be another. Rely on the fact that God made you like you are for a purpose. KT

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