Category Archives: Life

What you think you want

Career, Family, Life

What you think you want can many times not turn out like you thought it would. Think about how many marriages, families, homes, investments, churches, friends etc. have been destroyed because one person thought they wanted something new or different and when they got it, it didn’t turn out like they imagined it would.

We all know what the serious issues are (drugs, alcohol, over-eating, over-spending, lies, deception, fraud, clothes, cars, houses etc. etc.) but I will use a very benign example to get the point across.  I love cars and if I had the money in the bank today for all the bad car decisions I have made, I could afford to send all of you to Paris for vacation. Ha. See, I bought those cars because I wanted them. There were of course reasons why (I told myself) but the real deal was I just wanted them. As a point of record, a few years ago I sat down and listed all the cars, SUVs and trucks I have owned and at last count, it was 82. See what I mean?

When we want something, our brains have a built in “reasoning maker” that if you are not careful will arm you with all kinds of reasons for the change you want. When we rip the Formica back and look at the real reason, many times we find it is just what we want. When we see something we want, our brains play out a video with us in it, of how we will feel when we get it.

There is not really a cure for this behavior other than life experience. Simply put, the older you get the more videos you have in storage. When faced today with a similar “want” you can go back and play the old videos of what happened last time. Ha. KT

 

Slight temptation to quit

Career, Life

Yesterday, for the first time in nine months the thought crossed my mind to hang up my cleats and go home. Ha

I didn’t seriously consider it and would never do so, but it was the fact that the thought crossed my mind that gave me some pause. I have certainly failed before (restaurants, land development etc.) but I have never just outright quit and took my ball and went home.

The thing about quitting is the first time it is tough, the second time not as bad, the third time is easier and before you know it, you have developed a habit that could change the course of your life. For the past nine months, I have gone to work every day and have kept trying as best I know how. Why? Its simple. All my staff are watching me to see what I do. If the leader becomes discouraged, well, it’s easier for others to do the same thing. When we quit something it also teaches and shows our children something they don’t need to see.

Yesterday we lost a couple of deals that I thought were solid and it turned out to not be the case. Like many decisions, it was a choice I had to make. Do I get upset or do I push through it? As I was thinking about these options yesterday, I took a step back and did a quick inventory and realized that all my family is healthy and well and safe, and yesterday’s disappointment was just about money. Money shouldn’t drive the big decisions in our life, but it sometimes gets in the way.

I turned on some Christmas music let some Nat King Cole wash over me and after a few minutes I was ok. When I went home there was a magazine that had a picture of the Macy’s store at Christmas time in 1942. It was at the height of WWII, yet somehow those people in the picture still found some joy even though many of them probably had family members in harms way. Additionally, I looked closely and seeing no children in the picture, I realized that everyone in that picture has now passed away. When you see something like that, it is humbling.

Also, on Fox news yesterday there was an article about the Christmas wreaths that were laid at all the graves at Arlington National Cemetery that has thousands of service men and service women who gave their life for America.  I brushed off the disappointment of yesterday and chose joy over anxiety, peace over unrest, hope over dismay and the future over the past.

Maybe someone reading this blog has had some disappointments this year but take heart because if you are alive and reading this, there is hope, joy, peace and a future to look forward to. KT

The memories you carry with you

Life

I have been told (because I am not quite there yet) that as you get older, the memories you carry with you are the ones of your family. While I am not sure, I am certain that your job title, work, sales awards and business mementos will fade in their importance.

It will be the bedtime stories, pancakes with your children and grand-children, decorating the Christmas tree, hugs, the ‘I love you’ s, the simple conversations with your family, popcorn, movies and the list could go on for pages. It won’t be the extra time you spent at the office or the sale you made or the client you satisfied. It will be the memories with the very people whose pictures currently hang on your refrigerator.

Thanksgiving is in two weeks and Christmas a month after that, so after the year we have all had, we should be deliberate in our choice to be there in those moments. It is the memories of those moments that will be the most valuable things you own later in life.  Be relentless in finding and choosing joy this season and make it your Christmas wish. Choose rest, peace, love and joy with those closest to you. KT

Imagination

Life

The way you image yourself drives many of the decisions we make in life.

Ever looked at a suit or dress online and thought, wow, that would make me feel good about myself if I had that? Look at cigarette ads back in the 60’s and 70’s that always pictured some good-looking couple in their sports car or in a sailboat or dining at fancy restaurant. You never saw a smoking add with a chubby, out of -shape guy puffing on a Marlboro sitting in his lawn chair. No, it was always some rugged, good looking cowboy riding a horse. The idea was to make people chase that image and think if they started smoking, they would look that young, be that good looking and be that manly or that beautiful.

In our own minds it is that way also. I have owned three Jeep Grand Wagoneer’s and every time I sold one, I swore I would never buy another one. Yet, I have had three and all three times they were a mechanical nightmare and drove like a big lawnmower. I had this self-image of how great I would look and feel driving an old classic Wagoneer. Well, the truth is when I got it and drove it, I didn’t feel the way I thought it would. Ha

It’s like that in life, we get these glimpses of what this or that would look and feel like and then we began to imagine ourselves in that situation and our desires began to move toward that.

I had this guy one time I worked with that was always looking for another job while he was working his current job. The problem with doing that is he began to imagine himself in that other new job with the prestige he thought it would bring him. You guessed it, he left the company and went after his imagined dream and you guessed it again, it didn’t turn out the way he wanted it to.

How many marriages are torn apart because of this very thing? When you let your heart dwell on something long enough and consistent enough it can cause you to make all sorts of changes in your life.  The wisdom would be to make sure you are careful to separate imaginary versus reality.

Being old, ugly, uneducated with a speech impediment has always kept me from imagining some big job and some big title. Maybe these limitations were a gift in disguise, because I am just grateful for where I am. KT

Accepting blame

Career, Life

For Father’s Day this year, my youngest daughter wrote a list of things she has heard me say or that she has learned from me. When I read the list, I must have gotten some dust in my eyes because I had to wipe a tear away. One of the things she wrote was “always accept blame when it is your fault.”

Years before I started in the hotel business, I was in the restaurant business and ran several Wendy’s for an investment group. I remember one time that we had had a terrible month and sales were down and expenses were up, and all the partners wanted to meet with me. The purpose of the meeting was probably to give me a whipping over the bad month and probably threaten to fire me over it.

Some people love to pass the blame to other people or other influences when something goes wrong. So, I walked into that meeting and all the partners looked like they were ready to take me out and flog me in the street. I remember I ask to talk first in the meeting, and they agreed. I began by taking all the blame because behind all the reasons, it really was my fault. My lack of leadership that month was the reason. So, I accepted all the blame and them moved on to how I was going to correct the problem.

I watched as the steam faded out of the partner’s faces and replaced with acceptance of the solutions. I have zero doubt that had I went in that room and named all the things and other people to blame that I would have found myself out of a job that afternoon. My acceptance of the blame wasn’t superficial. It really was my fault and I guess they recognized the honesty with which I accepted it.

The bible says in Proverbs 15:1, “a soft-spoken word turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” That is a pretty good verse to live by when something goes wrong and everyone is looking for who to blame. KT