It is ok to not be first. In life there is a danger when anything or anyone consumes us and becomes an obsession that controls us. Examples range from exercise to gardening and everything in between. With all things there is a normal level of interest and attention and then there is the obsession level. When the thing you do starts to control you, there should be a warning bell that goes off in your heart telling you to be careful.
Take sports for example. It is one thing to have a child in sports once or twice a week but when that simple enjoyment becomes every day, ever morning and every evening, this is when you need to be careful. I know this man who is consumed and obsessed with exercise and it literally controls his life. He cannot function without it and finds no joy in his life where exercise does not exist.
Also, years ago when I started selling hotels, I became friends with this broker from Florida, and we sold a hotel together in late 1990. His obsession was washing his car. He never took airline flights. He always had to drive. I bet his wife was a saint. Ha. I remember him telling how he had to wash and detail his car every morning before he could start his day. I know to us this sounds ridiculous, but to him, it controlled his life. He literally had a detail kit and water in his trunk and would clean his car in the hotel parking lot before he could function that day.
In everything there are normal levels and dangerous levels. It is incumbent upon us be aware when things or people began to control us. It is ok to not be in first place if being in first place means you give up control. I would rather be happy and restful in second, third or twelfth place than I would be unhappy and in first place. KT