Category Archives: Life

Difference between being respectful and afraid

Have you ever seen a child that is afraid of their parent (s?) They cower down in fear. There is an enormous difference between a child being respectful and minding their mom or dad and the child that minds out of fear.

This mainly happens when the parent is not consistent in their mood and often gets angry very quickly. Children (thank goodness) have a built-in coping ability that adults don’t have. The greatest gift a parent can ever give a child is the knowing that they are safe and loved unconditionally. Read that last sentence again please.

When I was moved to Georgia to live with my father and stepmother, I was 15 years old. Try as hard as I might, I could never please my stepmother. She would send me to do a job like sweeping the driveway and it didn’t matter how long I worked at, she never one time told me I did a good job or thank you. She always pointed out some area I missed.

The problem with this type of parenting is it stays with the child for the rest of their life. Perfect example – I am 63 years old and was doing something around the house the other day and when I finished, I had a flash back to my stepmother and what she would say. This is not healthy for a child and many parents have or are currently making these mistakes. A child needs acceptance. That’s right, a child or teenager needs acceptance even though they may act like they don’t care. Deep down inside they really do. Basically never (regardless of what they do) withhold your acceptance and love from them.

Here is another example of the right way. My stepfather always told me he loved me. Like every kid, I did things that got me in trouble. I remember vividly one time I messed up and my stepfather had to whip me. You know what he did right after he whipped me? He took me in his arms and told me he loved me. That type of love is what I am talking here. Children, preteens and teenagers are very vulnerable and need all the love you can give them but most importantly, tell them and ** show them that they are accepted, loved and they are safe.

Those are the greatest gifts you can give your children. If you don’t believe it, just look at your parents and ask yourself, was I really loved, safe and accepted growing up? That’s all the proof you need. KT

Closing the loop

Men are the worst communicators. Can I get a hello?

Men, as we all know are lacking in many areas of social etiquette. We don’t express ourselves as well as we should, we never want to talk about our feelings and we generally try to avoid conflict like the plaque. Social distancing and quarantine are no problem for a man because it is what most men prefer anyway. ha

I have spoken of this subject a few times, but it still makes me snicker. What I am referring to is people who think if they don’t respond back to someone, that same someone will somehow understand the message and read through the tea leaves and will feel good about it. Well, life just doesn’t work that way.

I am not speaking about someone you don’t know. I am talking someone you know well who a business associate or a friend or maybe both.  I have this friend who is probably sets the gold standard for this practice. In fact, when you look up this phenomenon in the dictionary, it has his picture beside it. ha

This is a person I have know for 35 years but you let me reach out to him on a subject he is not interested in, he just will not communicate. After several weeks when you call him out on it, he acts like he didn’t see your email or hear your voice message. If it is a subject he is interested in, he can’t wait until you call him back.

I had a situation recently where I didn’t want to make the call to a person. I almost sent a text or email, but in the end, decided the only way to handle it professionally was to have a voice call. After the call we both felt good about the decision and were still friends. That would have not happened with a text or email or even voice message. It needed direct communication between friends.

So when there is a situation with the potential of conflict, face to face or a person to person call is the only way to settle the situation down and still retain the friendship. KT

What have I done?

When you start something new, more times than not, it is complicated, scary and can look daunting.

I have a vivid memory of one such time in my life 20 years ago of me sitting on our fireplace hearth asking myself, what the hell have I done? Excuse the word but it’s the only way to express the seriousness I felt at that moment.

Me and two other hotel brokers decided to leave the firm we had been working with for years and start our own company. It’s like a lot of things in that it looks and feels simple at first but when you get into it, you realize how complicated it really is. We had been talking about starting our own company for months but when the day came to resign from the firm, it was like, oh my goodness! I left to come home after we resigned and didn’t answer any phone calls because I just needed time to think.

I got home and went over to the fireplace and turned on the gas logs and sat down. I thought, I have just done something I can’t undo and what in the world was I thinking? The next morning the three of us met at a pancake house and we looked like three frogs caught in hailstorm. Ha. Our eyes were big as saucers because we all knew there was no going back and there was only one path forward. Go do what we had planned to do.

The next several days were stressful but once we found some office space, our heart rates began to settle down and once we got the office set up, we when full bore on building a new company. It all worked out but that first couple days and weeks it looked like we had made the worse decision of our business career.

The point is, most everything is more complicated and scarier at first but as you put one foot in front of the other, you will find your footing and your anxiety level will settle down and life will return to something more normal. The key is to have faith in your decision and in your planning and simply go get the dream you had all along in your heart. KT

Big Boss and Little Boss

In the world of muscle cars, Ford made two Boss mustangs for the years 1969 and 1970. One was a 302 Boss (little boss) and the smack daddy 429 Boss (big boss.)

Once I become a zillionaire and no longer care about what something cost, I am going to buy a 1970 429 Boss. While this will probably never happen, it is fun to talk about it. The Boss-9 or nicknamed, Big Boss, is the muscle car I have always wanted. In fact, I have a diecast model in my office of a Grabber Green 429 that I look at every day. Ford only built 500 of the Boss-9’s for 1970.

In the hay day of muscle car horsepower (1968-1970) the Big Boss had no equals. It would spank a 426 Hemi Cuda or a 454 Chevelle like a dog that just peed on the rug. It was “rated” at 375 horsepower, but everyone knew it was lie just for insurance purposes. Straight from the factory the horsepower was said to be well over 500. It would go scary fast in a straight line, but heaven forbid if you needed to turn a corner or stop.

Today, these beasts restored sell for 200-300k which is why I will probably never own one. I do however dream of finding one (unrestored) in some old barn sitting next to its baby brother, 302 Boss and in the dream, I buy the matching pair of Boss mustangs. Ha.

In life you must have something you want (even if it’s a dream) or life becomes stale. So, if you ever hear a deep rumble pull up and I am driving a 429 Boss, you can smile with me. KT

Never let success go to your head or failure go to your heart

This is always danger in letting success go to your head or worse, letting failure go to your heart.

Success is a great thing and can change and or improve many areas of your life. However, it is important to always “keep a lid” on it. We all know and have met people who want everyone around them to know all the details about everything they are doing and have accomplished and how great they are. There are also many people that want to replay for you, the conversation about some success they had. In general, this turns people off.

There is a level of class and elegance in keeping certain things to yourself. Success is certainly one of those areas you don’t want to talk about it to just anyone. Share it with those closest to you but remain humble. A braggart is probably the least liked type of person.

As important as it is to not let success go to your head it is more important to not let failure go to your heart. The heart is the keeper of all things important. The bible says that “out of the heart, the mouth speaks.” It also says that “out of the heart flows the issues of life.”

Failure can be devastating if you let it find a resting place in your heart. It will dissolve your boldness, take away your resolve and possibly cripple your hope. It could change the course of your life in a way God never intended.

Everyone fails. That’s right, everyone you have every known or read about has had to deal with failure from time to time. It is how you deal with it that defines if it holds you back or strengthens your resolve for the future. Let failure have its perfect place which is to teach and instruct but stop it there. Learn from failure but don’t let it lead you. Learn to forgive yourself. Self-forgiveness could be one of the most important aspects of your life you could ever learn.

Self-esteem is like an egg. It is fragile whether we want to admit it or not. Every time you do something good it is like you add a layer of lacquer to the egg and every time you do something you know you shouldn’t, it is like you remove a layer. If you add enough layers to the egg (your self-esteem) it is not as fragile and can handle changes better. If it is fragile, a little failure could derail your self-esteem.

Learn to forgive in life. Keep your successes to yourself and when you do fail (and you will) be careful to not let that failure lodge in your heart. KT