I read a quote recently that said, many of our deepest dreams are only found on the other side of fear. Many people (especially men) will never admit that this is the case, but it is. Their fear could be some past failure or emotional setback, a feeling of being unworthy, self-esteem anxiety and the list could on for pages. Men are complex individuals and more times than not; the outside person is different from the inside person. Men especially, cover or hide their fear under layers of other achievements.

Fear (of failure) is that thing that holds many people back from trying. It is easier to dissolve into the space you are comfortable in than stretch outside that zone. Don’t laugh, but email and text could be the greatest fear enablers ever created. Before email, and way before text, if you wanted to get something done, you had to meet with or verbally talk to someone. Not so with email. People are able to hide behind that screen and never have to face the personal connection that comes with an actual conversation or an actual meeting.

I am often amused at our business now versus 25 years ago. Do you know that before websites, emails, texts, chats, invites etc., we sold as many hotels then as we do now? One would think that with all the communications methods we have today, the production would double or triple. Not so. The other day I had a call with someone I had never met. I got on the phone and ask the person of they had an iPhone. They said yes and then I told them I was going to request face time. They paused and were like well,,,, ok, I guess. The result was amazing because I could see that person and that person could see me. The reason for the call was heading to be a conflict but once the person could see me and visa-versa, the stress just dissipated and got resolved. 25 years ago, that was how everything was handled.

An amazing thing happens when a person looks in the mirror and acknowledges to themselves that are afraid of failing in a certain area. A double amazing thing happens when that person tells God (he already knows anyway) about a fear and ask him to give them the courage to face that fear.  KT

In my line of work, I run across all kinds of young guns who know every answer to every question and have no trouble spending someone else’s money. The real rub is they don’t want to spend their own money. They are happy to give you all kinds of advice but when it is turned back on them, it is a different result.

Perfect example is me. A few years ago, there was a company that went public on the stock market. The stock opened good and within a week had lost half its value. I literally walked down the halls of our office and told people they should buy some of this stock. When I got back to my office, did I personally buy some? No. Why? it was my money versus someone else’s money. Ha. I should have followed my own advice because that stock has gone up 15 times.

Let’s look at a silly example of the same concept. Your children. Have you ever heard someone that doesn’t have children give advice on how a parent should handle their children? Watch that same person when they have their own children, and you will see a person who now understands this concept. I had a stock guy call me one day talking about where I should be investing, and I remember asking him how much of that stock he personally owned. The guy went quiet on the phone and never called back. ha

When I am speaking with a prospective client, one of the first questions I ask is if they need to raise the equity or if it is their own. How they answer that question will drive much of the conversation.

There are always people that want to tell other people what they should be doing. Heck, the south was built on gossip that took place on front porches where people gossiped and opined on what their neighbors should be doing. I find that a good question I try to often ask myself is, what would I do? KT

A person that wants other people to admire them for what they have accomplished, is looking for fans. They don’t want friends who respect them. They want fans to praise them. A great leader always pushes fans away and redirects praise to someone else. This is a person that earns the trust and friendship of people around them.

I had this guy I knew once who wanted people to admire him and want to be him. He would have a gathering or some social event at his house and he would park his expensive cars outside so that the guests would have to walk by them to get to the front door. Basically, he was a narcissist. He just couldn’t handle people believing they were on the same level as him so he always had to puff it up. He wanted admirers not friends.

Friends are the ones that want to see you succeed and fans are the ones that secretly want you to fail. Ronald Reagan was a person that wanted friends. When something good was happening he always gave the praise to other people. Never to himself. That is why he was so beloved by the American people. I have a friend who was the chief pilot for Coca-Cola for many years, and on occasions would fly presidents from time to time. He flew Ford, Carter and Reagan and Bush. I was at his house the other day and he had a picture of himself and Reagan on the plane. He said Reagan was so kind and would always give his appreciation to others and would even send handwritten notes of thank you. He said the most arrogant and ungrateful person he ever flew was one of the other three presidents (I will not name) but will let you guess. He said the public perception of that president was completely wrong.

Bear Bryant (head coach for Alabama) was often interviewed after a big win. He would never talk about how great his team was, instead he always talked about how great and well coached the other team was. He never internalized the praise even though he won six national championships.

So, when praise may be headed your way so for something you’ve accomplished, remember this little blog, and don’t talk about yourself and how great you are. Talk about those around you and give them the praise. That is how you win friends who love you, not fans that will disappear.  KT